Ever had someone say something to you that made you so mad that you vowed to never forget it for the rest of your life? Not to harbor bad feelings, not to make yourself feel worse, and sure as hell not to relive that day and the emotions…but to remind yourself that you will never let anyone make you feel like that again.
A couple weeks ago at work I got told I was the “biggest disappointment of 2015“. After my big head-honcho boss told me this, I sat for about 2 second before I responded. (Reason for those 2 seconds is simple – the first two words that came to mind immediately following that statement were ones that my mom would not be proud of me for saying. Words that would make my grandmother blush and words that most definitely would have left me fired…even though I would have felt better as I walked out the door with my desk of belongings in a box) I was stewing on this the rest of night. Mainly, because that is only one of the things he said to me that made me want to throw vulgar language and bookcases at him. I don’t usually let what people say get to me. And frankly, in this case?
I’ve been called worse, by better. But this time- I was mad. Fuming mad. And at first- I couldn’t even explain why. Yes, he was out of line and very incorrect in his statement but it was more-so that for someone who preaches that a smile can go a long way and in our business -sure didn’t smile. And for someone who states that you never know what someone else is going through, so always give them a reason to smile….and then for that to be the opening statement to what would become a 20 min conversation/debate/argument with him – seemed… contradictory. Hypocritical.
Reason for me even bringing this up is: to him I may be the biggest disappointment of 2015, but I know I’m not. In 2015- I made huge strides in many areas of my life. One of those areas? My betic life. I had a successful team for the One Walk. We raised lots of money for JDRF. I was asked to be a JDRF mentor. My A1C improved greatly. I’ve been more open and vocal about my diabetes and have taken leaps and bounds to help the people around me not only deal with their betes, but also make their life better.
People will always put you down for what you don’t do, didn’t do well enough at, or things they don’t understand. My thinking? Your life with diabetes is hard enough. And personally? I’ve never had anyone come up to me and say “Wow, Bean- you’re doing great keeping all your crap together!” or “You’re trying so hard to make your life with diabetes better for yourself and others. That’s awesome.” or even “Good job, juggling everything you juggle.” Why? Seems people don’t really think that. We’re too quick to judge, too quick to make negative comments and too quick to scold and not praise.
So let me say, I’m proud of every single diabetic and everything they accomplish and overcome on a daily basis. I’m proud you keep on fighting the fight that you didn’t choose. For waging war on a battle you didn’t start. I’m proud you make it through each day and have the strength to wake up the next- knowing very well what it may contain.
Now, it took me a while to get over the words that the owner had said to me. In fact, every time I see him- the words still run their my mind. They no longer make me angry. And to be frank- the words don’t make me want to try any harder at work. All those words do now- is remind me of how far I did come in 2015. Things he doesn’t know. Things he doesn’t care to know. Things I wouldn’t bother tell him even if he asked. Thing is: the fact that a diabetic is still fighting everyday after everything we go through- the pain, the pricks (finger sticks and any other kinds =P ), shots, pumps, diet, carb counting, ketone sticks, staying current on all prescriptions, doing a checklist every time you leave the house, carrying around extra pounds of supplies, all of it – can never be a disappointment. So I sleep just fine at night even after he said that to me. I know I’m a fighter. I know I fight every single day to be where I am, whether it’s at work or home. I fight to be as healthy as I am, and ya know what? I fight to be alive.
T1Ds are fighters because we have to be. We’re wolves. And as the saying goes:
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