Never

Wellllllll we visited Riker’s Island recently. Yeeaaa, THAT Riker’s Island. Would I have ever guessed I’d go there? Big. Fat. No. In fact, I most likely would’ve said “hah! Never!” If asked. Buuut there I was….

When I was in the hospital for having my son, one of the nurses asked if I liked being on my pump and explained she’d been trying for years to get her sister to try. “I’d never go back to shots” I remember telling her. I love Ollie. He’s the little robot leach I never knew I wanted. Buuuuut if you had asked me 7 years ago if I’d ever go on the pump- “hah! Never!” Would’ve been My response. In fact, it was my response for years when doctors asked me to give it a shot (haha, “shot”. Get it?)

“Never” is such a crazy word to me. I’ve used to a bajillion times in my life, but how often have I ever really meant it? I never thought I’d go on the pump and now I can’t imagine my life without it. I never thought I’d be visiting someone in Riker’s but I was there! It’s so wild to think of how different things can be when you give it a chance.

I’ve been trying to remind myself of this every time I get upset at the Dexcom…which happens quite often honestly. I never thought I’d try. Yet I did. I never thought it’d be accurate. But it was for the most part. I never thought I could get used to it. And although we still have a love/hate relationship, it’s more helpful than hurtful. I “never’” thought manyt things, especially with my betes, but as all the fishies sing in Seussical the Musical:

“Anything is possible”

I remind myself of how far I’ve come, how many obstacles I’ve already tackled and when I look back – it’s crazy. SO many things that I thought I’d NEVER do. SO many things I’d thought I’d NEVER accomplish. SOOO many things I thought I’d NEVER do – but yet, here I am.

I want to eliminate that word from my vocabulary. So even though I’m a few  months behind, that is my New Year’s resolution. Stop giving myself the chance to not experience things. (Not that I feel the  need to go visit Riker’s again…) But I need to stop eliminating things from my life before I give it a real, solid chance.

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